have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
