At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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