When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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