i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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