Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
