she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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