I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
we're so committed to being not committed
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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