That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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