He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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