no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
