can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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