Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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