Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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