He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
