Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
