"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
