if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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