apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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