I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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