apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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