my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
