my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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