I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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