so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
