so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
