every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
