I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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