I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
