So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
He has the fingertips of a God
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
