we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
