I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
