Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
