In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
