So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
