There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
pray to the hookup gods
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
