This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
