4 words: hood of his car
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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