it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
