I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
