Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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