Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
