The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm sobbing to NWA
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
