no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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