you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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