he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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