I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
