I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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