But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
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