in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Farmville is her only friend.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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