is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
