Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
