No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
