the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
