My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
OPIZZABONMYDICK
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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