Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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