Yo dont text me then not text me
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
