Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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