Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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