There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just want to make out with him forever
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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