She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
