listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
