I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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